


Dirty floors

by QueenAnnxiety



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, M/M, flirty bastards, mentioning of OCD
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-05-15
Updated: 2014-05-15
Packaged: 2018-01-24 22:51:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,106
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1619849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenAnnxiety/pseuds/QueenAnnxiety
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He didn’t know how to name it. He didn’t know what it was. What they were to each other.</p><p>or how they became Lovers in the end.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dirty floors

**Author's Note:**

> Already posted that on my tumblr ^^ have fun! My English is not perf tho ^^

He didn’t know how to name it. He didn’t know what it was. What _they were_ to each other.

It started with Levi being his weapon.

They got companions over the course.

Years later they were friends.

That he knew. They were more than friends.

But would they call themselves lovers? That implied that they loved each other. Levi loved Erwin. But Erwin didn’t know, Levi never told him. He showed him, though. With every small bit of trust he granted Erwin with. With every single night he slept beside him. With every kiss he shared with him. With every moan he let out for him. With everything he did. And Erwin – did Erwin love him the way Levi did? Erwin once told him. Not once, twice. But it didn’t count because the first time he told him after sex and the second time were after Erwin nearly died. He wasn’t rational at these times. But then again, when was love a rational thing? And did Levi really love Erwin because he didn’t know the first thing about love. Levi didn’t respond to Erwin these two times. Not verbally, though with his own words. He answered with trust and obedience but also with kisses and affection.

So he was not sure what they were. How they should call their relationship. Did it even really matter? Because the most important thing was: He’d follow Erwin _everywhere_.

*

It was a long time ago – the last time Levi was ignoring Erwin’s orders. It was after his first mission with the survey corps, Levi was still pretty young. His first time outside the walls. Just a horse length away from Erwin, his companions right next to him.

He came back shaking to the bones. In his life he had robbed, he was beaten and he even had killed but he was never once frightened. He never gave a shit about his life. So there was no reason to be frightened.

Now he was fucking terrified.

He didn’t give a shit about his life – but about others. But he stepped into his room and all that was left of his companions was the blood on his fingers and clothes and face and hair.

Levi was terrified. He looked down on this blood that wasn’t his – or was it his, he couldn’t tell anymore. He couldn’t recall anymore. Like he‘d already forgotten why the blood was even there.

It felt dirty. He felt dirty. He needed a bath. Really did. His numb legs barely brought him to his small bathroom. While filling the tub with hot, steamy water, he got undressed, leaving the clothes on the floor. He felt so dirty. He wanted to throw up but then he would feel even dirtier. The water ran slowly and it started to annoy Levi because he really needed to get this blood of his skin. He stepped in without waiting for the tub to be full. Hot water nearly burned his skin but he didn’t care. He had to get the fucking blood off of him.

Levi started to scrub. One time, two times, three times. More times. Till his skin started to get hot and red. It hurt but Levi didn’t care because he was still terrified. What if he couldn’t wash it off? What if it will stick to his skin forever? Was it already clean enough or where there any tiny blood rests on his skin he couldn’t see? He had to scrub it one more time to make sure. And one more time to make really sure. But now the water was dirty. So he changed it. Bathing and scrubbing. Again and again and again. Because he wasn’t sure. He could never be sure if he was clean enough.

So he changed the water again. But then he realized that the tub is dirty, too. So he had to clean it. And the floor is dirty because he threw his dirty clothes on it. Everything was dirty and it had to be cleaned. Otherwise this feeling in his chest - like he can’t breathe - won’t go away. This pressure on his chest _will not leave_. But it had to. Because Levi was not afraid. Never were. Never will be. He’s going to clean every tiny part in his room and then everything was back to normal. He will not be terrified any longer. If the room’s clean Levi was in control.

Cleaning meant being in control. Levi was in control. So he thought.

But the feeling of fear didn’t lift, regardless how much he cleaned. It got worse. Because what if it will never leave? What if this room was not clean enough for it to leave? The blood could be everywhere by now. He was not in control if the room wasn’t clean.

He had to be sure.

Just one more time. Being on his knees, scrubbing the floor with lemon water. His knuckles were bleeding by now and he had to wash that off, too. But first the floor. The lemon water burned like hell on his open hands. His knees hurt like hell, his back, too.

He might have started crying. But he didn’t. He was Levi. He was in control.

When a knock came from the door Levi jumped so badly, he knocked over his bucket, splashing the water over the whole wooden floor. Now he had to clean it up, too. Because the dirty water was on the clean floor.

»Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck you«, he cried out to nobody particularly. He hadn’t planned to open the door. How late was it even? Like one in the morning?

He robbed to the bucket which lay empty on the floor.

»This is how you speak with your commander, Levi?«

Levi looked up to Erwin and the first thing he noticed was that he was really, really tired. Then the pain got the better of him. He didn’t care that he insulted Erwin. His muscles hurt and he still had to clean the floor.

»What are you doing this late? You should get some sleep, you-«

Erwin stopped and looked down at the mess that was – well, maybe more Levi than the rest of the room.

»Are you cleaning your room?«

Levi was annoyed. He didn’t want to waste any time. He got up and went looking for some towels to get this wet mess cleaned up. Erwin’s hand stopped him. He grabbed Levi’s arm tightly. Levi could free himself easily but he didn’t dare to. Never did with Erwin.

»You should go to bed now.« It wasn’t a suggestion. Erwin’s eyes told him so.

»Yeah, right after I cleaned th-«

»Now!«

Erwin’s eyes fixated him for a long moment. Cold, but not unkind. No, Levi really liked Erwin’s eyes. He always knew what they told him. Now they were telling him to stop. He wanted to stop. Wanted to stop so badly for hours now.

He threw the towels over the spilled water and let go of the bucket. He was defeated. Erwin told him to stop. It was okay now.

 

His bedroom was too dusty. That’s probably why he couldn’t sleep. The room was not clean enough to sleep in. So Levi got up and cleaned it. Better than lying around in bed like a lazy fuck. And it was like Erwin had a sixth sense or maybe just good hearing. Because five minutes later he entered Levi’s room without even knocking this time.

»That was an order. Bed now!« Erwin’s finger pointed towards the bed. His eyes were cold but not unkind. Levi really loved those eyes.

»After I finished cleaning, Erwin, I just want to-«

Levi shut himself off and wiped off the dust on his closet while standing on a chair. Erwin just lifted Levi up like he was some little girl brat and put – more throw – him onto the bed. Levi used to hate the fact that he was so small and Erwin much taller but he learned to appreciate it. But not now. Levi started swearing and kicking but it was a lost course. Erwin was much stronger, had more willpower than Levi. Levi was tired. But his chest still hurt so he couldn’t allow himself to be tired.

»You have to stop. Everything is clean. You cleaned all night, haven’t you? So everything is clean.«

»No!,« Levi protested and finally managed to stand up again. He wasn’t in control. He was still scared.

Erwin pressed him down by the shoulders. Not hard. Gentle. So gentle that Levi almost forgot his fear. Maybe it was enough if Erwin was in control? Maybe he could be in control for both of them. The look on Erwin’s face was soft and Levi could have sworn he never saw it like this before. It made him forget his pain for a second. His bleeding hands and throbbing knees.

»Don’t make me force you!«

His eyes were kind. His voice was harsh.

»As if you could force me, old man,« Levi answered wanting to sound tough like his normal self. But it came out cracked and voice-broken. He hated Erwin so much for this. He wanted to be in control but he couldn’t. He never was and never will be.

»We will see that, Levi.«

Erwin smirked. Erwin never smirked. He pushed Levi onto the mattress and before Levi could say knife he was pinned down by Erwin’s enormous arm.

Suddenly the fear was replaced by embarrassment.

»What the fucking hell, old man? Are you cuddling with me? Do you have no shame?«

»No, I don’t. I just do what I have to do to keep you save, Levi.«

Why did his commander wander off and talk this embarrassing nonsense? Levi was embarrassed for Erwin. He tried to get up, but Erwin didn’t let him.

»I hate you,« Levi barked but didn’t mean it.

»I know.«

He didn’t hate Erwin. But he hated that he had his life in control. How could he not have his own life in control but Erwin? Why Erwin? But then again: Why not Erwin? He was the only person he trusted.

Suddenly he didn’t feel so dirty anymore.

 

*

It was after this day that Levi suffered from a terrible brain-wrecking insomnia. He could barely make it through the day. His eyelids were heavy and his brain didn’t function right. Erwin was away and Levi couldn’t even remember where. But he kept the note Erwin gave him always in his pocket.

_Everything is clean. You are in control. Don’t clean, Levi! – E._

Every time the need to clean something rushed over Levi, he unfolded the note and read it. Time after time till the urge, the itching under his fingers was gone. He was in control. He didn’t want to disobey Erwin more than anything. So Levi ignored this heavy feeling in his chest, read the note and tried – really hard – to fall asleep. The note still in his hand, clenched into a fist right next to his face. But it didn’t work.

On the fourth day he couldn’t handle it anymore. Levi thought he might kill something if he won’t fall asleep immediately. Or clean something – and at this point he didn’t know which was worse. Maybe he should sneak out and kill some titans in a stupid suicidal mission. Maybe he should look for Erwin.

Levi missed him. Did Erwin miss Levi, too?

His eyes were dry and teary at the same time because he couldn’t keep them open but couldn’t shut them either. He got up and paced through the room. No, he can’t clean. He was forbidden to do so. But he couldn’t sleep. He felt tired and restless at the same time. He was angry. Mostly at Erwin because why the fuck wasn’t he there when Levi needed him?

Why was he sleeping next to him one day and then left the other?

Why was he making himself an irreplaceable necessity to Levi’s sleeping and then left?

Levi cried swears out in frustration and kicked his bed.

»Fuck this, fuck you, stupid old man«, he muttered and left his room.

 

It might have been a bad idea. But at this point Levi didn’t care. Insomnia made you stupid. Levi knew as much. So this might have been the reason for this idea. Who knew.

It wasn’t hard to pick the lock. Seriously, why was the commander sleeping behind such unsafe doors? Levi opened the door and sneaked inside. He was in Erwin’s room a few times. It was bigger than his room and furnished more fancy. Levi liked the table desk where Erwin did all his paper work the best. It was out of massive wood and Levi used his free time to just sit on it listening to Erwin’s pen scratching over the paper. He would deny it to his death but he wanted to be around Erwin as much as possible. When did he get so dependent on someone? He never had been till Erwin walked into his life. Now he couldn’t even stop cleaning without help.

Another reason to hate Erwin. But really, Levi could not hate him.

Levi didn’t lit a lamp and found his way to the bedroom in darkness. He found his way to the bed. The bed was tidy. Levi liked that. Erwin was a clean person. Levi climbed under the sheets, pressing his face into the pillows. They smelled like Erwin. He grabbed them with his arms, hugging them like Erwin hugged him the other day. He didn’t even have time to feel embarrassed before falling asleep.

 

When he woke up, the sun had already risen and the first thing he saw was Erwin’s naked back and the curve of his butt in these skin tight white jeans. Levi noted to himself that he would very much appreciate to see this sight every time he woke up. Then he panicked. Why was Erwin in his room? No, Levi was in Erwin’s room. But why was Erwin here?

»Hey, sleeping beauty,« Erwin smirked looking him in the eye without any shame.

»Don’t say embarrassing things first thing in the morning, old man,« Levi managed to say with his usual bitterness.

»’s not like I missed you. Your room is just cleaner, so…« Levi didn’t need to explain himself. Erwin knew better anyways. Erwin knew everything about him.

God, he so hated him. Not.

»I know,« Erwin answered, still smirking.

»But it’s okay. You can sleep here if you want.«

»As if, you stupid old man!«

Levi and Erwin slept in the same bed since that day.

*

Their first kiss was really not that noteworthy. It was something which was long over-due and just had to be done with. Levi had been sitting on his favorite spot on Erwin’s desk, not caring for the letters and documents he was sitting on. Despite his cleanliness he always had a thing for making Erwin’s desk a mess just to mess with him. Later he had a thing to make Erwin a mess. But not at this point. He loved sitting on these documents because first he didn’t care about all this stupid political business (he wanted to kill the titans and be done with it) and second Erwin got annoyed and when Erwin got annoyed he had this tiny wrinkle between his eyebrows, Levi was definitely fond of. Not that he would tell him.

»Levi, your butt is ruining my documents,« Erwin let out through his clenched teeth and there it was: the wrinkle.

»Yeah, but you like my butt anyway.« Levi didn’t know why he said that and how that happened but at some point in their relationship they just started flirting with each other shamelessly. And while Erwin started as the one without shame, Levi caught up with him quite well. They nearly did everything together so there wasn’t much room for shame anymore. Especially when you woke up in each other’s arms on a daily basis (sometimes with a boner – hey, they were just men).

»I might,« Erwin answered ever so mysteriously and Levi had enough.

»Just kiss me already, you stupid old man!,« he blurted out, throwing his arms up and leaning forward. Then, before Erwin could answer or do as he was bid, Levi closed the space between their lips and kissed him for the first time.

He released Erwin only a second later, now smirking to himself. It wasn’t a good kiss. It was an okay kiss. But Levi liked it non-the-less and noted, that they had to work on that. Now that this barrier was out of the way. Because he knew, he wanted to kiss Erwin as much as Erwin wanted to kiss him but both of them were too fucking proud to admit it. Too self-absorbed in this game they played.

»Levi, stop sitting on my documents« was the first thing Erwin said after the kiss. No back-kissing. No thank you. No wild make-out session.

»Yes, daddy,« Levi grunted, hiding his disappointment. He got up from the desk, he didn’t want to be around Erwin right now. Erwin grabbed his arm, eyes fixated on him.

»Stop sitting on my documents and start sitting on my lap, Levi!«

Levi smirked.

»Is this an order, Commander?«

»Yes, Corporal.«

Levi turned towards him and seated himself onto his lap, still facing Erwin. His legs dangled in the air and Levi made sure, to make as much skin contact as possible. Yes, he definitely wanted that. Both of them.

»Was it because I called you daddy? Do you have a sick daddy kink, old man?«

»Shut the fuck up and kiss me already.«

»Yes, sir!«

Their second kiss lasted much, much longer.

*

Everything that followed was inevitable. For them to fall in love was inevitable.

So when they had sex for the first time it was tender, loving, caring and everything Levi hated but loved with Erwin.

Levi never told him, but Erwin must have known. He didn’t need to tell him, they knew each other well enough.

They’ve known each other for nearly 10 years, slept in bed together for 8 years, loved each other for 6 years. Levi knew that everyone knows. But he couldn’t care less. No, he was even proud to be Erwin’s boy. Of course they both got older but when it came to Erwin, Levi was sometimes the same naïve brat he had been 10 years ago. Though now he knew which buttons to push to get what he wanted. He was still dependent and he still hated it.

But he couldn’t help it.

He would follow Erwin everywhere.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me on absolut-talentfrei.tumblr.com


End file.
